People think marriage is easy and to this day, I haven't seen one bride kick and scream down the aisle towards her fiancé. Cheeks are aglow with excitement as step by step a bride makes her way down the aisle towards her prince charming after many months and sometimes years of planning the perfect, dream wedding. 

 

I heard it once said that men marry hoping their wife will never change and women marry secretly telling their friends how they are going to change him. So why does the beginning or marriage seem blissful and later every 'once-cute' habit drives you crazy? Some of the very reasons you fell in love with him can be the very things that frustrate you the most years later.  

 

A wise Christian counselor once said, "If everyone would just quit trying to change their spouse and just enjoy each other!"  Changing your spouse is not your job – but God's. As women, when we ignore this instruction, we are basically telling God he isn't changing him the right way, or fast enough. It is a form of control. We can spend so much time looking at the little things that annoy us instead of appreciating the gift that our spouse is to us. James 1:17 says: “Every good gift, every perfect gift comes from above. These gifts come down from the Father, the creator of the heavenly lights, in whose character there is no change at all.”

 

I was a young bride who married right out of college and spent the next 17 years as a wife raising three kids when I found myself unexpectedly single. Being a single mom hadn't been part of my plan and definitely hadn't entered my mind as I eagerly walked down the church aisle towards my future husband all those years prior. Personally, I knew the destruction of divorce as my parents were divorced when I was a child, and my heart ached for my children. For their sake, I had to press on.  I needed a job, a place to live and to quickly learn practical things such as mowing the lawn and successfully balancing a checkbook.  Furthermore, I needed to allow God to put the pieces of my heart back together again. 

 

For six years, I continued to raise the kids, work full-time and care for my home, yard and of course, dog. My jam-packed schedule didn't allow loneliness to creep in unless the kids went to visit their father for an extended trip; however, on occasion, the thought of a future marriage did cross my mind.  Did I really want to marry again? After all, I knew that while marriage is a tremendous blessing, it is also a tremendous amount of work. 

 

This time got it right by asking God IF He wanted me married again, and if so, to whom. I distinctly recall getting down on my knees and surrendering to God. My specific prayer was, "Lord if it is your will that I marry again, please bring me a man like King David without the Bathsheba part!" Scripture says that King David was a man after God's own heart. Not perfect, but the king listened to God, repented when he sinned, and relentlessly pursued God.

 

Time passed and as I allowed God to heal and open my heart to the thought of truly loving again, He brought a wonderful man in my life who had a heart for God. Not perfect by any means like myself but part of God's plan.  If my goal is to be more Christlike, my job is to look at my husband the way God looks at him. Like God looks at us - as His creation, His precious children, the people he loves so dearly.

 

I consistently hear women complain about their spouses. They were happy at first, so what happened?  I believe it comes down to our perspective.

 

"I do!" later becomes "I won't!" or "I don't!" How we look at our husbands is our choice. Let me give you an example. I can focus on the fact that my hubby always uses a fork to stir his pre-workout drink and puts the sticky fork on the clean drain cloth right next to the sink. I have asked him on many occasions to put the fork in the sink, but to this day I see the fork on the clean cloth. Over the years, I could let that frustrate me, and believe me at times it still does. But then I realize he doesn't leave his socks around which is another small annoyance my friends complain about. To be honest, I am the one that leaves my socks around.

 

If we sit around all day long and think of what our spouse does wrong, it would quickly frustrate us then our attitude would become sour. We would then lose the respect of the very man God provided for us as a mate. Now, this is a silly example, but think about all of the "fork and sock" things that started small and years into our marriages have become "big" frustrations as we look differently at the man, we eagerly walked down the aisle towards on our wedding day.

 

We have to examine ourselves and see where did it go wrong? Did it start with a pair of socks? Are you settling for a marriage less than God has for you because you aren't appreciating what God gave you? We have to change our perspective and focus on what he does well. If you are thinking – nothing, then I would ask you – does he shower? Then he is clean so mark that down as something he does well. 

 

As Christian wives, keeping eyes on Jesus will keep our eyes off of our mate. Sometimes it seems we hold our spouses to standards that we don't hold others too. We then wonder why they will disappoint us at times forgetting that we all sin and fall short of the glory of God. In Mark 11:26, Jesus says, “And when you stand up to pray, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, SO that your Father in heaven may forgive you of your sins."  

 

Are you waiting for him to treat you better before you treat him better? Imagine yourself standing before God and trying to explain that reasoning.  

 

If your wanting a better marriage, I would encourage you today:

·      Forgive so Jesus can forgive you.

·      Start looking at your husband the way God looks at him. 

·      Make a list of the good things he does.

·      Try to remember back to all of the reasons why you fell in love with him.

·      Make the first move of kindness.

·      Now ‘let Go and let God’.  (He won't work when we are in His way!)